Zen, that is. And I'm biting my tongue instead of ripping people to shreds and using every derogatory name in the book. woman wants nsa I'm not new to online communities but I am new to this style of forum. I've been in chat rooms since the early 90's, and I've engaged in all kinds of discussions with strangers over the years. Then there was Fluther, a site not for the faint of heart. If this is supposed to be a forum for lesbian/bi/queer women, it's wildly crazy to the cat fights over words among people of the same tribe, so to speak. The few who are brutal with their claws make me wonder what is so miserable with their lives that they feel the need to be cruel and rude to others newbies and regs alike. "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks" . so what is going on in the hearts of the few who post strongly negative remarks and ratings? I want to be a part of this community, but not at the cost of being a doormat. I'm not a lurker. I'm not the type to shut up and hide if confronted. Zen, to me, is being aware of my surroundings and responding in ways that either diffuse hostility and/or protect my voice. I do not tolerate bullies, whether in or out of our "tribe." I would even defend my "enemy" if said person was the target of a bully.